Today was a Hilarious Comedy of Errors

Today was one of those days when you had so many fails happen to you that it is almost funny. Or at least funny/interesting enough to blog about.

It all started this morning actually. I was asleep in the top bunk of my bunk bed at 6:15 when my alarm clock went off. Normally I just slowly flounder out of bed and get dressed.

But this morning for some reason my brain was like, “Holy crap, what in the hell is that??” and made my body jump up high enough so that the back of my head went BOOM against the ceiling.

 It was at that point I realized it would be an interesting day.

When I got to school in the morning, I went downstairs to the lunchroom to buy my daily box of Mot’s Apple Juice. The moment I got into the lunchroom I saw a huge circle of students shouting things like “Oh shit, you ‘bout to go down gurl!” which always means there’s a fight. And with the word “gurl” I knew it was a chick fight.

But this was an intense chick fight. When dudes fight, they usually throw a few punches and say “YAY! I’m manly and cool! :D” but when girls fight, it is to hurt and inflect physical harm on the other person.

And this one was one of the worst ( by worst it also means most fun to watch ) I have ever seen!

The two girls both looked Puerto Rican and had lots of makeup, and slightly tubby. They were both pulling on each other’s hair and shrieking devilish shrieks of anger and pain.

I would never be able to know what they were fighting about because I didn’t know ether of them. Maybe one stole the other’s tator tots the day before, or maybe they were helping each other out with homework and got into an argument over a math problem. But whatever it was, it was bad.

And I never got my juice…

In career search, since we work on computers and our class is usually well behaved, Ms. Jones let us listen to music on the computer.

I went to Playlist.com and found one of my favorite songs “Santeria” by one of my favorite bands Sublime.

I was trying to get my headphones to work. (I had left mine at home and was borrowing one from the computer lab) But I didn’t seem to work…

The headphones were plugged in the computer, the volume was up, and yet I couldn’t hear anything.

After a minute or two of fiddling with the volume control I thought, “Hmm.. maybe it’s the headphones.” And then at full volume the speakers blared a part of the song that says, “I GOT SOMETHING FOR HIS PUNK-ASS!”

Ms. Jones got mad at me, but I blame the lab’s kaput headphones.

All day I walked around with my Fruit of the Looms feeling astoundingly uncomfortable. It became so bad that I went into the bathroom stall and found out why. They were completely backwards.

I don’t know if that’s ever happened to you before, but it’s very, very, very awkward. It’s one of those moments were you say horrible and nasty words in your mind and try to find a way to fix it without looking conspicuous.

Well, I decided that I should go to the bathroom during class, strip down and fix the situation. Not in between classes because people always come into the bathroom at that time and especially when I’m in the stall, scream and bang on the doors, “Hey Jackson, how’s it goin’ in thar? HAHAHA” During class it wasn’t as chaotic.

I went into the bathroom, and got ready but then I noticed that the floor was disgustingly wet. It looked like someone completely forgot that you pee IN the toilet, or maybe someone just had ridiculously bad aim. But you get the picture.

To avoid touching the grimy ground with my super sexy looking jeans, I stood on the toilet. I knew you could probably see me from the ground if you were walking in, but I didn’t think anyone would walk in.

But then of course someone did walk in. He saw my head above the stall, and I think he also saw me holding my pants. He looked at me for a few seconds, and walked away.

Thank God it was only a teacher.

Other things happened today too though. at lunch I spilled my tray, in civics I found a pencil on the floor and started using it and then the girl behind me said, “HEY THAT’S MINE!!!” and when some girls were taking a group photo, I accidently walked in the way and took up the whole shot and then they got mad at me.

But not bad for a Monday.